Depression and Anxiety: The Gamer’s Story

When depression or anxiety affects a work colleague, a friend, a friend’s family member or someone dear to your heart, it becomes surreal. Somehow, one begins to truly understand the kind of battle these individuals have to fight everyday.

May I share some stories of people I personally know who experienced these feelings or condition. I realized that each story is individualized and as such, each person coped differently. I write these to help raise awareness. That’s all.

photo of person typing on computer keyboard

Photo by Soumil Kumar on Pexels.com

The Gamer’s Story:

“Did you know that I may have had depression?  A few years ago, I left home due to a family misunderstanding. It was then that I started to be overwhelmed with feelings of being useless and that  I was a ‘good-for-nothing’ person. There were times when I found it difficult to get out of bed and do just about anything. Everyone thought I was just being lazy. I was hesitant to talk about what I was going through. I assumed it would be dismissed as “just one of those days”.

It became worse when I was often left on my own in the house where I moved to.

It hit me.  I was all alone. Loneliness got real.

Thoughts on ending my life? It did cross my mind. But I could not bring myself to hurt my loved ones. Not that way. I could not let them suffer picking up the pieces and live with unresolved guilt forever.

I had to force myself instead to try to live a normal life amongst those around me. Life became a routinary blur of work to house and vice versa. During this time, I immersed myself into online gaming.  Looking back, it has, in a way, diverted my mind off miserable thoughts. Suddenly, I was not alone anymore. I was talking to people. Online. But, I was communicating.

Today, am I better? Maybe. My online gaming turned into a live streaming channel and has built a considerable number of followers. More importantly, I have made friends with those who do the same. I was able to travel to meet them in person. We remain friends to this day and keep in touch constantly.

I am back home. I still have those days when I get glued to my bed, but I would like to believe that  I am better equipped to deal with that. I have opened up to my family in the hope that I am better understood”.

The other stories soon to follow.

A Journey Through Photography

Definitely, an ongoing exciting journey.

My interest in photography has developed over time. It took a while before my photo collections came to fruition. My snapshots, my edits, my choice and proudly, my own.

Below is one of my photos on Instagram.

I recall a verbal English proficiency exam years ago when I was randomly asked about photography. The question took me by surprise and I realised how little I knew about it. I honestly admitted this to the examiner but I did mention that the camera is the basic tool for taking images embedded with memories for a lifetime. These images can be printed-off, likened to a hard copy of a document, and be filed for future reference. To this day, I firmly stand by those words.

 

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A travel snapshot shared on Google+

My interest in this hobby heightened when I was able to travel more, even halfway around the globe. I could not simply ignore the scenic views and the magnificent panorama that I thought I would never have the chance to see with my own eyes! I needed to document the experience and my camera made that possible.

 

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one of my photo collections on Google+

I won’t deny that I have gone with the trend; whatever camera was commonly used, I was into it. First, the compact cameras. Then, the day came when people sported these bulky bags carrying their DSLR’s. The ’what’? Yup, the digital single-lens reflex camera; which, to me, defied simplicity.I stopped short of owning one if not for a friend who wanted an upgrade and offered his ’DSLR’😩 for an affordable price.

my first DSLR camera(second-hand)

Okay, I was cynical then because to me, when DSLR cameras first came out, they were huge and heavy. It was kind of unsettling because, for someone like me who isn’t tech savvy, they looked complex to use. All I wanted was to take photos with less fuss and fiddle.

Change has definitely come when social media sharing became rampant. I, too, was caught in it. Who wasn’t?

The mobile phone companies smartly embraced this change and the smartphone invasion became unstoppable. Of course, I jumped into the bandwagon and thank heavens I did! I ditched my other cameras, (not totally, still used from time to time) for the more convenient, truly handy and user-friendly mobile phone.

The ease of taking photographs with my smartphone has immensely kindled the hobby and turned it into a passion. Also, with the advent and continued availability of free, easy-to-apply photo editing applications, photography has never been more fun to explore. I, for one, can say that the innovation of the mobile phone camera has made the art of photography more accessible to a lot of enthusiasts like you and me. So, let’s keep it up and click away!

Here’s what inspires me:

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Do visit my photos on Instagram

My photo collections on Google+

This journey temporarily stops here. The next stage is yet to come.

Two Sides

 

you believe what you see

you are oblivious

to how things are

one side, that’s all you’ve got

 

yet you say those words

you deem right and kind

you mean well, of course

but senseless to a betrayed

 

aim to understand

hence, make a stand

what you do now

is intrusion, no doubt

 

Back off,

demand for truth

listen, speak-up

exactly with facts.

Seating Arrangements

Have you ever declined an invitation to a party because you were dreading who you are going to sit next to?

It matters (a lot) to some people where they sit and with whom when attending their own company parties. The person-in-charge of this task gets the most flak if perceived to be wrong. (my sympathies😊)

Notwithstanding all its positive intentions, seating arrangements can be alienating for some. When you notice that “a group of certain friends is seated together” while you are arranged to sit with those you barely know, the thought of being treated unfairly kicks in. Not to mention dealing with the awkwardness of trying to start and maintain an interesting conversation with an unfamiliar group. How you get through that party, it must be difficult.

Seating arrangements can also be deemed by others as degrading. When colleagues are seated with VIP’s and at the front, you suddenly feel undervalued because (you think) you’re just ordinary and worse, your table is further to the back. Of course, you’d swear not to attend similar events ever again.

Truth be told, seating arrangements do not bother me. I am with the idea that we ought to get know more about other people. I won’t deny getting worried about who I am going to sit next to but at the same time, I get excited in anticipation.  I have taught myself to adapt and just look forward to that part of the party when the music starts and everyone abandons those seats with pleasure to freely mingle with anyone. That part of the party where the goers just let their hair down.

Sod the seating arrangement. Enjoy the party!

My Morning Calm (weekly photo challenge: Silence)

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/2018/01/17/silence-2/

One of the things I always look forward to whenever I visit my hometown is the early morning walk that leads to this river on a mountain. It is a breathtaking retreat from a busy life miles away. The silence is beautifully broken by the steady flow of the water which brings about a certain calmness to the mind and readiness to face a new day.

The Kind of Writer I Am

My blog has been idle for some time now. It made me think of the reasons why. Thus, discovering who I might be as a writer/blogger.

Time constraints? It is a cliche but I simply lack the time. It was when I took a break from work that I got interested in blogging. My mind was full of ideas and and I have had more time then to put them into writing.

Being back to work full-time has made me just want to come home at the end of every shift and rest and relax. Oh, yes. I’ve tried to concentrate and write after work or on my days off. I have always managed a few sentences until I felt ‘I just wanna laze out as I’ve got work (again) tomorrow’.

So to be able to write, I need THE time…enough time.

Writer’s block? It shouldn’t be. Inspiration abounds! Life never runs out of experiences to opine on. The problem occurs (I know that now) when I play safe on how to express these opinions. While others are bold and gutsy about a lot of issues, I’m not. I always have to rack my brains out to find the right and acceptable words to use for fear of reprisals. And when I can’t, I get frustrated, I stop.

There you go, that says a lot about me as a blogger. I have created my own ‘writer’s block’. When will I muster enough courage to tell it as it is?

Language barrier? Okay, I am lucky that in my home country, the medium of instruction is English and correct grammar  is strictly enforced. But, even so, English is not my first language. Finding the right words when writing means the right English version, too. It is easier to articulate one’s thoughts and emotions by using a familiar language or dialect. This is true to both writing and when in a normal conversation.

Therefore, in my attempt to get my point across clearly, my rough drafts get shelved for proofreading and editing again and again until they get dismissed and unpublished.

So maybe, this is the kind of writer/blogger I am:

I need time.

I hesitate to tell it as it is.

Perfectionist (if this is the right term) with words.

Does it matter if these traits are right or wrong if they do get me into writing?

Am I even a writer at all?