https://dailypost.wordpress.com/2018/01/17/silence-2/
One of the things I always look forward to whenever I visit my hometown is the early morning walk that leads to this river on a mountain. It is a breathtaking retreat from a busy life miles away. The silence is beautifully broken by the steady flow of the water which brings about a certain calmness to the mind and readiness to face a new day.
My blog has been idle for some time now. It made me think of the reasons why. Thus, discovering who I might be as a writer/blogger.
Time constraints? It is a cliche but I simply lack the time. It was when I took a break from work that I got interested in blogging. My mind was full of ideas and and I have had more time then to put them into writing.
Being back to work full-time has made me just want to come home at the end of every shift and rest and relax. Oh, yes. I’ve tried to concentrate and write after work or on my days off. I have always managed a few sentences until I felt ‘I just wanna laze out as I’ve got work (again) tomorrow’.
So to be able to write, I need THE time…enough time.
Writer’s block? It shouldn’t be. Inspiration abounds! Life never runs out of experiences to opine on. The problem occurs (I know that now) when I play safe on how to express these opinions. While others are bold and gutsy about a lot of issues, I’m not. I always have to rack my brains out to find the right and acceptable words to use for fear of reprisals. And when I can’t, I get frustrated, I stop.
There you go, that says a lot about me as a blogger. I have created my own ‘writer’s block’. When will I muster enough courage to tell it as it is?
Language barrier? Okay, I am lucky that in my home country, the medium of instruction is English and correct grammar is strictly enforced. But, even so, English is not my first language. Finding the right words when writing means the right English version, too. It is easier to articulate one’s thoughts and emotions by using a familiar language or dialect. This is true to both writing and when in a normal conversation.
Therefore, in my attempt to get my point across clearly, my rough drafts get shelved for proofreading and editing again and again until they get dismissed and unpublished.
So maybe, this is the kind of writer/blogger I am:
I need time.
I hesitate to tell it as it is.
Perfectionist (if this is the right term) with words.
Does it matter if these traits are right or wrong if they do get me into writing?
Am I even a writer at all?
the way beckons
take the stride
do come forth
leave the hive.
halfway you go
doubt befalls you
keep the footstep
upfront, up ahead.
however it ends
shove any regret
bask in the pride
you’ve refused to hide.
I am that tree
my hands are free
my roots have spread
beyond the earth
my life imbedded
my reign, in depth
the sky, this ground
my cradle, my turf.
The Promenade and The Pier
the view of the pier from the promenade
It was on a whim and a last-minute family decision to travel to North Wales and explore Llandudno which then turned out to be a pleasant discovery of an old-fashioned coastal town in a first-world country.
After an exhausting but uneventful six-hour drive from the South of England, we arrived at our hotel that was conveniently situated on the seafront and just a few steps away from the scenic Llandudno Promenade. The whole vista was indeed a welcome sight to behold!
It got my expectations of the town all hyped-up.
main entrance of the hotel
seafront and beyond
Determined to make the most of our short stay, we were at the promenade just as soon as we have unpacked. Our leisurely walk along the pebbled shore was accompanied by the intermittent squawking of flying seagulls. They seemed to be everywhere and spontaneously appearing out of nowhere! Well, that was an inevitability we have had to accept. These seabirds were bound to be visible in their natural habitat and territory.
seagulls were everywhere and they squawked a lot!
We then came across a sandy part of the beach when we realised we’ve reached the mouth of Llandudno Pier. A waft of freshly baked donuts filled the air. They were a temptation one couldn’t say no to.
We gobbled up our donuts with gusto as we made our way towards the end of the pier. Noticeably audible as we plodded on was the familiar sound of country music. Hmmm. Definitely American. And so, there it was; a stall selling music CDs of just that! (yes, CDs. I did say ‘old-fashioned, right?)
I would say that it is rather a rarity in England to hear this music genre.
Before settling abroad, I lived in a place in the Philippines listening to the likes of Johnny Cash and George Strait. To have been able to listen to them again in a pier in far-away Llandudno brought wonderful memories of home.
Llandudno pier, the longest in Wales
Midway into the pier was a mini kiddie fair where families with young children got fascinated with the rides and games on offer. Llandudno is also a definite if you are looking for a family-friendly summer retreat.
The panoramic view of the Llandudno coast from the longest pier in Wales was worth the trip. A glimpse of old hotel buildings lined up along the seaside is quite a landmark. No wonder Llandudno attracts a lot of visitors, old and young alike.
The same can be said about the view from a reasonably-priced boat ride that we took the next day.
Regrettably, the famous cable cars were not operational due to the windy weather.
A summer night stroll has revealed that Elvis Presley is a common favourite in Llandudno. Many hotels that we have passed by featured a nightly entertainment of an Elvis impersonation…his music, his moves, attire and all.
And guess what? Our hotel did, too.
Our room was above the entertainment hall and as it was an old building, we could actually hear the reverberating sound of ‘Jailhouse Rock’ as we slept and looked forward to another summer day in Llandudno.
What’s beyond
is up to you
free your mind
imagine every kind
anything nice?
or something gory
dare to go
out there to know.
Affirmative. It did. I have barely got back on my feet and started believing that things were getting better, when, like the first time, lightning struck without warning. Another shocking truth revealed. This couldn’t be happening!
This time, it was more forceful, more poignant and more painful. It totally knocked me off balance.
I thought of all the others who got hit the first time and have been trying their best to move on. They have worked really hard hoping for that light at the end of the tunnel. But, has the strike of a second lightning, a more disheartening truth, rendered those efforts useless? And I can’t help but ask: Was I taken for a fool that I didn’t deserve to know the absolute truth the first time?
I am not angry. I don’t think I will ever be. However, I am deeply hurt to the core of my being. I may have every right to be. Well, give me that, at least.
What now?
My heart bleeds. I’m finding it difficult to breathe. Nevertheless, I have accepted the blow and have resolved to bravely live with it. Now and then, I force myself to stop those tears from flowing because crying neither stops nor changes the harsh reality of it all.
You see, discovering a lie for the first time, becomes an impetus for a massive shake-up of your personal beliefs.
Being struck with another lie the second time around, your world crumbles and then buries you with it. It numbs and sucks the life out you. It can kill.
What keeps me going? Unconditional love.
It stops me from blaming anyone including myself. Stop the blame. Live the game called life.
It makes me sane and be understanding of why lightning hasn’t struck once but twice.
It keeps the suffering under control.
Whatever happens next, unconditional love is a weapon that I am unable to surrender to the enemy. I will fight with it, not just today or tomorrow but definitely for eternity.
